By Six

The short answer is you, all of you. Take a look in the mirror and slap the ever living shit out of yourself. Now that the stupid is gone time to get educated.

You’re on the journey to get tattooed. For some it could be a great time or a painful nightmare. And God forbid the artist was a dick. Yes there are scum bags in this industry, but fuck them, I hope they die!

All of this information should go without saying, but I don’t know why it needs to be said this much, so here goes: Fucking take a shower you filthy fucks. You get some fucking hog sized people in there that don’t like to take a shower. You’re 2 inches away from an armpit when tattooing an arm. At this point the only smell that will fill the shop is B.O. Chicks and dudes with bad breath, fucking gross and people who smell like a dirty fucking ashtray. There are many times that one of you has left the booth and everybody in the shop pulls out air freshener or candles and everyone goes outside while the stench clears.

Lesson to be learned from this? Fucking take care of yourself you filthy piece of shit.

Next: STOP coming into the shop with no clue what you want. Much of the artists time has been wasted working with you.

*A couple enters the shop*

The artist: Hello how can I help you?

The girl: Hey, we want a tatt.

The guy: Ya!

The artist: Ok, what would you like?

The couple in fucking unison: Ummmmmmmmmm, I don't know?

You can throw every idea you have at them and all you'll get is nope, nope, nope.

Just stop and fucking think of what you want before you walk in.

This one goes out to all you dumb motherfuckers who do this. I hope you burn in hell. Ok, with that being said:

STOP FUCKING USING PINTEREST!!!!!

(It can be a guy or girl but it seems to be more woman are the culprit. Men who are guilty of this: You should lose your man card and have your dick cut off.)

You have some douche bag guy command the shop, with shitty tattoos on his arm.

The douche: Yo, I want to know how much for a sleeve?

The artist: Ok, what ideas do you have in mind?

The douche: I want to know how much a sleeve would cost. I want some like dragons. Maybe not? I don’t know how do you feel about waves? With some writing in there? My last name or something? Like, you know man. (As he tries to touch the artist like they were in some frat at some point. Don’t fucking touch anyone you don’t know.)

The artist: Well, I can’t really put a price on that, but I’ll take what you said into consideration and think up a drawing I can quote you on. I’ll need to put down a deposit.

The douche: Fuck, ok, ok.. *Pulls out his phone and spends 20 minutes looking for a fucking image*

(Now you’re going to get a side rent right here: If you have a picture or an idea you want to show to the artist, have it the fuck ready. Nothing sucks more than sitting there waiting for 20 minutes while you’re cycling through 4000 pictures for a single damn image. All that goes through our heads the entire time is that you are an unprepared fuck.)

After about 20 minutes he finally finds the image and low and behold it’s off of Pinterest. It’s either some shitty Polynesian or some old crappy tribal. It’s 2018, not the fucking 90s.

The artist gives him a quote on the shitty tribal. After getting a ridiculous quote the douche does not like the “because tribal is the shittiest tattoo and actually takes the longest” explanation as to why the price is so outrageous. The douche now asks about the Polynesian tattoo. Unless the artist has the explanation himself he doesn’t know what the fuck you’re getting as a tattoo. Every line and every direction of everything in Polynesian work has meaning. The artist explains this to the douche.

The douche: Ok, ok, ok well I don’t know man? I’ll just hit you up soon, like for reals man.

The douche never even fucking looked at the artist’s portfolio? Look at who’s fucking get a tattoo? You. See what an artist’s work looks like. Fucking dumb fucks.

Now, for the women. Don’t think I forgot about you, you dumb bitches.

(It’s not always a white girl, but it has something to do with white girl tattoos. There is a Mexican man walking around in my town right now with five infinity symbols on his right arm.)

White girl: Hey I wanna know if you can give me this? *Pulls out a phone and shows you a few pictures off of Pinterest.*

The artist: Ok, so you want a semicolon tattoo with warrior next to it? Oh, you want that in white ink? Sorry, white is only a highlight it’s not a primary color.

White girl: How about these Pinterest roses (So generic it’s pathetic)? I want this and exactly this.

The artist: I can give you something like that but not exactly that. That’s someone else’s tattoo.

White girl: Ok, whatever, I trust you.

The artist schedules their appointment at least a month out. About 2 to 3 weeks before the client’s appointment. The artist draws up the image and sends it.

White girl: Ok, can you change this and can you change that?

The artist: Ok, that’s not a problem I’ll make the changes (No one likes the first image). The artist resends the image with said adjustments and hears nothing back.

The day of or the day before their appointment they text or call the shop: “Well.... I don’t know if I like the image could you read draw something like this?” *Sends in the original image of the first tattoo they wanted.*

The artist: That’s someone else’s tattoo. *face palming*

(Side rant with white girl tattoos: Anchors fucking sink. Every girl that has an anchor tattoo that reads “I don’t sink” is a fucking retard. Please, get a Buoy or another flotation device.)

The main reason why tattoo artist come off as an asshole is because of you, all of you. You make most of them turn into bitter assholes with your ignorance, so here are some words of wisdom: Wash your ass. Show up early, 10 to 15 minutes is really nice. Understand that the artist is not going to straight rip off someone else’s tattoo or art. A real artist will give you something they made for you personally. Look at the fucking portfolio. And at least have somewhat of an idea of what you want, not what you don’t want. With that being said y’all can fuck off.

Ps. Tips go a long way.